Thetard FAQ

Q: WHAT ARE THETARDS?

A: Thetards are a humanoid virus, characterized largely by a strong odor and the mimicry of human sounds, although they don't utilize a "language" per se--at least not consistently. They tend to congregate in hives where their populations fluctuate through a process of inbreeding, rape and internal and external population control. Their food of choice is all the good in society, which they devour at many times their own body weight.

Q: WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF THETARDS?
A: http://groups.google.com/group/Atheism-vs-Christianity/web/kinds-of-thetards

Q: WHAT DRIVES THETARDS?

A: Apparently, an insatiable necrophilia. When asked how many people religion would have to kill for them to stop supporting it, they usually appear bewildered, as if they cannot possibly comprehend boundaries to their sexual obsession with human death and suffering.

Q: ARE THETARDS CAPABLE OF FEELING PAIN?
A: There is currently no evidence of this, since thetard testimony is historically so unreliable that no thinking person would put any weight on a thetard assertion that something "hurts" them. Although many would consider "thetards feel pain" to be as absurd and unverifiable a proposition as, for example, "carrots have souls", there are arguments to be made for why science should put resources into more elaborate experiments involving thetards and pain.

Q: HOW DO I MAKE THETARD JERKY?
A: Hunting thetards in the wild is a more humane alternative to other outdoor activities like fishing, and supermarket thetard meat is loaded with preservatives because of the tendency of thetards to rot from the inside. After putting a thetard down, cut the meat off the bone in strips no larger than 1/8" in thickness--you might want to freeze it for half an hour ahead of time to make it easier to cut. When slicing up a Brock Organ or a Rick Warren, for example, you must be sure to trim a great deal of the fat since it does not dry and can make your jerky rancid. Marinate the meat in a solution of cider vinegar and sea salt, or a recipe of your own choice, for 4-24 hours and then dress it with the seasonings of your choice before dehydrating it. In a dehydrator, spray the sheets with non-stick cooking spray and evenly place the meat across the racks. In an oven, set the temperature to 150 degrees F (65 degrees C) and allow it to preheat before spreading the meat on a cookie sheet. For best results, the strips of thetard meat should not be touching. The process generally takes from 6-12 hours depending on taste. Thetard jerky makes a great snack for work or school.

Q: DO NON-SEQUITORS PROVE THAT GOD EXISTS?
A: No.

Q: I'VE NEVER PRAYED TO DICK CHENEY BRADDAH.
A: Not a question. And still no.